Peterborough Polygraph Examiner responds to Domestic Abuse Query
Despite significant changes in domestic abuse laws in recent years many victims still suffer in silence. Talking to anyone, even someone close, may be impossible as our Peterborough Polygraph Examiner explains.
Q: My sister is suffering serious, emotional domestic abuse. Can you help?
My sister’s husband has always been emotionally abusive. I’ve told her to leave him on many occasions and come and stay with me, but she says that it’s just name calling and she can handle it. I don’t and have never liked him but it’s her choice. I’ll always support her no matter what. I’ve heard the things he says, like she’s useless and fat. He says she doesn’t do anything around the house and is disgusting. I really don’t know how she handles it. She’s forever cleaning, always trying to make herself look nice but he doesn’t seem to appreciate it.
The reason for my email is horrible and I hope I’m wrong, but I bought her a kitten for her birthday at the beginning of December. It was a pedigree and cost me a lot of money. She doesn’t have any children, she can’t due to medical reasons and I felt she needed something to love her unconditionally. She was so happy with the kitten and doted on it from day one but when I went round to see her last week, the kitten was gone. Allegedly it had run away and it was clear she was devastated.
Gerry, her husband, seemed jealous of the cat when I brought it to the house and would always be shooing it away and calling it a filthy animal. He is cruel and I’m concerned he’s done something to it or given it away. My sister doesn’t believe he’d do such a thing but I think he would. He’s really confident with himself, cocky even and I know he’d take a lie detector test either to prove me wrong or even right. I feel he’d enjoy my embarrassment if I’m wrong but equally he’d be happy to see my sister destroyed if I’m right. I really do think this could be the breaking point for my sister and she would leave him. Do you think a lie detector test could help me reveal this guy for what he truly is?
O M., Peterborough
Response from Peterborough Polygraph Examiner
It’s not unusual for domestic abuse victims to play down the severity of it or indeed deny it altogether. Fear of appearing a failure to close friends and relatives sometimes plays a part and also fear that they may not be believed. From what you have written your sister’s relationship seems unhealthy.
You don’t say how long she has been married but over time domestic abuse in all its forms can greatly diminish self-confidence. Victims often believe they cannot survive without the abuse either emotionally or financially. In your sister’s case she has no children to consider which may help when she is ready to make a decision to do something about her marriage.
If you believe your brother-in-law will take a lie detector test, I will be happy to administer it. You can also include a question about the whereabouts of the kitten.
However, another option is to get your sister to take a polygraph test to learn the full extent of the domestic abuse she is suffering. Usually I find that victims will open up to me because I am a stranger who they may never meet again. I am also completely impartial and non-judgemental. It would then be her decision as to whether to share her results with you or not.
When the abuse is admitted it invariably leads to lifestyle changes. This may come in the form of counselling, separation or divorce. A polygraph report is a precursor to moving forward and it sounds very much as though your sister needs to do that.
Lie detector test in Peterborough
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