Quite often victims of emotional domestic abuse perceive it as less serious than physical violence. You might not bear the physical bruises and scars but the mental turmoil can cause anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts. This query came in last week and is heart breaking.
Q: Will a lie detector test help me prove that I am suffering from emotional domestic abuse?
I’m writing to see if a lie detector test may help me. I’ve been in a relationship with a man who has been emotionally abusive for some time. I try to leave but every time I do he finds me and begs me to come back, normally in tears. On various occasions he’s contacted my parents and told them I’ve gone crazy, smashed up the house and walked out. I have walked out but I’ve never damaged the house. He does that when I walk out.
I want to leave but I have no support network. You see, Gerry is very charming. All my friends and family think he’s wonderful but behind closed doors it’s a different story. He calls me some of the most hideous things, which I won’t repeat in writing. Gerry also calls me lazy, fat and good for nothing. It’s getting to a point where I’m starting to believe him. He’s told me no one else would want me and so he’s stuck with me. Gerry constantly refers to the way other people see me, as crazy and a liar but it’s just not true.
I know there are shelters and things out there for women in my position, but I’d prefer not to be seen living in one of them. I really need to get out of this relationship before it gets physical. I’ve read that it starts with emotional abuse and then gets physical. I couldn’t handle that. I was wondering if I could take a lie detector test to prove what I’m saying is true? If I could prove what he’s been doing all this time I know my parents would help me.
L. A., Bradford
Response from Bradford Polygraph Examiner
What a dreadful situation you are in. It isn’t unusual for family and friends not to believe victims because quite often domestic abusers are charming. If people can’t see physical evidence of abuse they sometimes dismiss it or minimise its effect.
Your partner, by emotional abusing you, is trying to exercise control over you in the same way as a physical abuser does. While he thinks he has control he’ll likely continue with the emotional domestic abuse. However, the moment he feels he is losing control he may decide to step it up to violence. You said that when you walk out he smashes things in the house. He has lost control of you so takes his violence out on the home. You are right to worry that one day it may be you he chooses to hit.
There are innumerable support groups for women in your situation and you can begin looking for it in your area by clicking here
Support from friends and family
There is no doubt that a support network helps immensely when dealing with domestic abuse issues. A lie detector test can help you build that support. However, there is a lot of help out there available from women’s groups and organisations. You should seek their help immediately.
I’ll be happy to test the validity of what you are saying. Please call our free helpline on 0800 368 8277. Let our customer service representative know that the Bradford Polygraph Examiner has suggested you call. We can also put you in touch with organisations that may be able to help.
If you want to book a test immediately you can do so online using our secure booking system. But whatever happens, please do something quickly. No one should be living with emotional domestic abuse or any other type of abuse in a civilised society.
North West Polygraph Service
With controlled offices throughout the North West and nationwide our polygraph examiners are able to help in all matters where the truth needs to be discovered. Don’t suffer in silence over physical or emotional domestic abuse. Seek help to be able to resolve your problems and move forward with you life.